5 Languages of Love

About 8 to 10 years ago, my friend Susie told me about the 5 languages of love.  She said that in order to have a loving and fulfilling relationship with somebody, we need to find out our partner's love language.  I no longer recall why we even talked about it but I've kept her wisdom in my heart to this day.  Through the years, I've learned that you need to find your own love language too, and guide your partner (if he has not discovered it yet) in finding out how to fulfill you in the love aspect.  Knowing it is one thing but practicing it makes all the difference.   It doesn't matter how capable you are of loving someone , it's useless unless the receiver understands it as love.

Master it while you're still floating in those precious bubbles of love such that it becomes second nature to you.  When things get rocky, you'll have these to help you overcome it.  

Here it is, copied from the 5 Languages Website:

Words of Affirmation.  Actions don't always speak louder than words.  If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.  Hearing the words, "I love you," are important-- hearing the reasons behind the love sends your spirits skyward.  Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time.  In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention.  Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-- with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby-- makes your significant other feel truly special and loved.  Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts.  Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.  If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.  A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous-- so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service.  Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love?  Absolutely!  Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes.   The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you."  Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.

Physical Touch.  This language isn't all about the bedroom.  A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy.  Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face-- they can all be the ways to show excitement, concern, care and love.  Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect and abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

There's also an assessment that you can take that will let you know your communication preference.  I tried it and it seemed pretty accurate.  My results, from highest to the lowest:  Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts.  

Some thoughts about my top three.  Words of Affirmation-- I'm not only big on this, but constant communication and staying connected with my partner are equally as important to me.  Quality time-- I want family/partner time that is not shared with facebook, youtube or other what-have-yous.  Acts of Service-- this is my own strength, I need to rethink if  my partner understands this language.

And my son, oh, he gets all five at full blast.